TrenchCoatKidd

So, I like to believe and/or pretend that I'm a moderately reasonable guy. I'm not a genius, but I like to think I'm not a moron. But every now and then, I lost my sensibility and begin stewing on the stupidest things. When this happens, it almost always ends in me slipping into a spiral of self loathing and staring at pictures of whoever it is that's caused me to slip into this spiral.

Naturally, like most depressed people that are mourning over an event or person, I only recalled the good things. I'd lay there and sort through my head doing my best to remember every single little nice thing about our relationship, not once taking into consideration that there's something to be said for how hard I had to try.

But to get to the route cause of this particular story... My friend once had a girlfriend. She was insane, like one of my exes, and at one point for one reason or another, they broke up. Point is, he got on my Facebook account and deleted her from my friends. Not only that, but full on blocked her. Feeling like it's the bro thing to do, I went along with it without any complaints. However, a girl broke up with me once. And from then to today, he continues contact with her on Facebook. This didn't bother me so much when she commented on his statuses every now and then, but according to a comment I saw, they've been chatting as well. And maintaining a friendship in the real world.

I know this isn't a huge matter of life or death, but it bugs me that I had to block his ex, while he can continue being best friends with mine. I'm trying not to make a big deal out of it, but it's hurtful.

So, I sulk. I do nothing with my life and go into this weird stage where I'm more than certain that my life is completely over, yet, I'm too much of a pussy to kill myself. So, I browse the internet without mercy for days at a time.

However, that usually betrays me because my internet access is a cruel hearted bitch aunt. She will lure me in with promises of amusement and movies, and friendship... Then molest me and disconnect herself, only to discover it's not even my aunt, it was a computer the whole time.

Long story short, when I got on the internet while I'm depressed, all I see is relationship statuses going to "In a Relationship" despite the fact that not a single relationship had been formed during the 4 month period that I was happy as fuck.

 So, all I see is shit like this.

Then, something horrible happens. Every time I'm depressed, it happens without fail. I go insane. I begin plotting murder on humanity. I sharpen tools while listening to shit like Tiny Tim. I draw pictures of severed feet. I talk to myself as though I were talking to the target of my insanity. However, a little fraction of my normal psyche has always (so far) remained and kept me doing things around my house that make me feel deliciously evil until something happens and I snap out of it.

Now, that brings me to the WHOLE reason of making this blog post. Why is this event of depression so much more important than the 10,000 others I've endured? Because it's stupid, brief, and how I get over the depression is the real point of our story.

Now, at this point, I was fairly determined I was the next world ruler that's batshit out of his mind. Point being, I waltzed into the kitchen to make a sandwich in this state of mind.

However, fate decided to play a trick on me and make everything worse. So I thought. I went in the kitchen to make my amazingly evil sandwich, and found out there was no lunch meat.

...At this point, I was at MAX emo mode.

This is NOT a state I always enter. It happens incredibly rarely. But usually after something's taken months to unfold in my head. Not after an hour. But, at this point, I was hopeless. At that moment, I was fairly positive that lunch meat was going to be my driving force to suicide.

But then, the stupidest thing ever happened.

No, this discovery is not the stupid part of this story. The stupid part of this story was that THIS is what brought my life meaning again. THIS is what cheered me up and stop caring about my problems. THIS is what made my life perfect.

...Peanut Butter and Jelly.

So, I made my sandwich with a smile on my face, love in my heart, and a sandwich in my stomach.